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Ronn Birou

When to the point of frustrated tears.....

and when fathers weep, rage follows.

Maybe I have just come to my last foot

of rope with a thousand feet to go.

Maybe it was my last straw.

It could be I have had my fill of fun

and games. But I do know I have bent

over time and time and have been kicked

in the teeth for it.

Why is it that we think men have the

ability to take abuse time and time

again. Maybe I could at one time but

not now. I have been used up my ability

to have the world on my back and smile

is not with me now. I am mentally drained

and emotionally parched.

The me I was is not here now it was taken.

And I wonder if will ever appear again in

this life.

I have been hurt very badly.

I have not slept a good night sleep once in 7 1/2 months.

I lost my job my house and watch my kids do poorly in school.

I have night sweats for no reason.

I have lost faith in God.

I do know stress very well.

Not finding a job and reliving this hell in my mind over and over

is getting to me.

I cannot believe this is real and happening sometimes.

I tried my best to give my kids what they needed, a home income and now it

is gone.

This gets to me and is in the back of my mind 24 hrs a day.

What I have gone through over the last year even scares me when i think

about it.

They say time heal all wounds but how long.

I feel this will follow me around for the rest of my life.

I feel so bad inside not depression but deep sadness.

I feel my children's pain and it becomes mine.

I walk and talk and cook and clean but I am not me right now.

I am less then myself right now.

I have been cut into many pieces and am trying to put myself together.

I try to find all my pieces but they are scattered over thousands of miles.

I have tried to put these feeling off and not deal with it.

But like a wave they build and run you over now and then.

I feel bad about how my feelings take me over now and then.

But after the last few months I have put up with so much I can not put into

words how I feel.

I feel like I have a chain around my neck.

I wish I could just say F*ck it and get over with it.

If I did not have children it would be easy.

STBX will never really know what she has done to me and the children.

That day I came home from work and she and the kids where gone will haunt me

for a long, long, long time.

Love Ronn