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Wendy Brown

When I met my childrens father, I was 17 and naive. Little did I know what he was like, now I do.

Shortly after we got married, he started to control me. If I talked to another man I was flirting, if I talked to another woman, I was gossiping. I wasn't allowed friends and he tried to cut off most of my contact with my mother.

In 1997, we seperated. For the last 2 years of our marriage I supported him and our children because, he refused to work. Also for the last 2 years of our marriage he raped me. When we ended up in court, I pointed this out and was told New Jersey didn't recognize marital rape.

I had custody of my daughters for months in that time I saw $800 in child support and was told that if I did what my ex said I would continue to get it.

After I became homeless my children's father agreed to return our children after I got on my feet. He never did. Instead, through friends of his family, my visitation is down to when I can afford to go see my daughters, my child support is $400 a month (I am unskilled labour since I wan't allowed to "work before the last 2 years of our marriage), my phone calls are recorded and since now I have no phone (I can't afford one), our contact is down to e-mails.

He has told the court (with no proof) that I was abusive, did drugs and was a whore. Again, there was no proof for any of this, but since I don't have an attorney, I wasn't listened to. I wasn't listened to when I told them about his abuse to the chidlren and me. I wasn't allowed to submit witness statements or bring witnesses in the courtroom. While he was allowed to use hearsay. The last judge we had, when I went back to court for visitation, stated that if we bring something ridiculous like this "our case?" again before her, our children would end up in foster care.

I don't want to yank my children away from their school and friends, but don't they have the right to know their mother and her family?? If I thought screaming and yelling and throwing things would get someones attention I would do so. I just want to spend time with my kids and get laws passed to where things like this can't happen to someone else.